What I expected moving to texas: oh hm, cowboy boot… steak..,? the ole’ prairie. youve been invited to,come lasso a tumbleweed,! ‘howdy there sherriff’ as a tramp stamp tattoo. Sweet teA hp potion… country girls make do
What I got when I moved to texas: i cant really leave the house bc theres about 20-30 of these big blue crabs that came up from their underground tunnels bc of the wet and rainy weather all standing on the patio having a fucking clawnference meeting
listen, when i go to open my mouth & what comes out is 12 degrees of seperation from what the original topic was, u need to connect the dots bitch. think fast. i’m not gonna hold ur hand but we’re leaving now and visiting every topic along the line. wave it goodbye, don’t get hung up on it
so I was listening to music and got this message… at first I assumed that my boyfriend sent the wrong person a message asking for toilet paper, but when i got up to bring him some i saw his phone on the bed and realized
he left his phone in the room and only took his switch with him, so all he could do was desperately tweet an SOS
was on the phone w my mom outside and said loudly “she looks SO fat in that picture” and someone gave me such a dirty look. i wanted to stop and be like wait no im talking about my dog in this too small dog bed my dad got by accident wait
